Modern Proverbs From The DBZ World IV
by Jedi Vegeta
Summary: Part 4! I actually decided to do one! Well, just like the others, stories and quotes from the Dragonball Z world...yep! That is all because I don't had a very catchy summary! Yeah!
1. Default Chapter

  
Short Stories From DBZ Land  
  
These are just a few saying and short stories about our fave characters!!!! These ideas of jokes came from my friends, Stacee, Micheal, Nicolas and Megan! I liked them, so I applied them to the DBZ character I thought fit it best! Thank you all! Please Read and Review! I will be very happy! Now on with the fic!!  
  
Red Light, Green Light  
Vegeta and Goku were out driving in Bulma's car one sunny Saturday afternoon. This was a large car, so both of them could barley see over the dashboard. As they were driving, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just kept on driving. Vegeta looked at the rearview mirror and thought, 'Was that a red light we went though?"  
A few minutes later, the duo came to another Red light at an intersection and speed right through again. Vegeta was sure that that was another red light they just went through, so he decided to pay CLOSE attention to the next light.  
At the next light, Vegeta saw that it was red, and they went right through it. Vegeta growled and turned to Goku who was driving. "Kakarrot! You baka! You just ran through 3 red lights! You could have killed us!"  
Goku turned and gave Vegeta a confused look. "Huh? I am I driving?"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Vegeta and Bra  
  
One day Vegeta was driving his four year-old daughter Bra to school when he beeped his car horn by mistake.  
  
Bra turned at looked at Vegeta for an explanation.  
  
Vegeta said, "I did that by accident."  
  
Bra smiled. "I know that daddy!"  
  
Vegeta gave his daughter a questioning look. "How, Princess?"  
  
Bra giggled. "Because you didn't say the A-word afterwards!"  
  
  
  
MODERN PROVERBS   
  
Goku: A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.  
  
Chi Chi: A Husband is someone who takes out the trash, and gives the impression  
He just cleaned the house.  
  
Bulma: Countless numbers of people have eaten in my kitchen and have gone to lead  
Normal lives.  
  
Bulma: Housework done properly can kill you.  
  
Yajirobe: One should not weight more than your refrigerator.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Poor Goten....(a little OCC!)  
  
Goten was not the brightest teenager around. Everyday, when he walked home from school, he would get beaten up and they would steal his lunch money.  
  
Finally, Goten decided that it would be better for him if he took a different way home, but also train more with his father.  
  
So he and Goku trained, and trained and trained for weeks.  
  
One day, Gotan decided to take his old route home. He was confident that he could take on these guys now. The battle ensued....  
  
Next day, Goten got up and walked down stairs to breakfast. Chi Chi turned and passed out at the sight of her son.  
  
Goku turned and was shocked. "Goten! I thought you trained for that fight?"  
  
Goten smiled. One eye was black and blue, he had a swollen jaw and a busted lip.  
  
"I took my old route home Dad. So I could see if I was up to the challenge of defending my self from those guys.  
  
Goku said, "What happened?"  
  
Goten replied, "They jumped me before I could get my socks and shoes off!!"  
  
  
  
  
ADVICE FROM GOKU!  
  
A man was driving in the country, when he spotted certain Saiyan training on the side of the road (why he was there, nobody knows!). The man stopped, rolled down his window and yelled a Goku, "Sir, what is the quickest way to Satan City?"  
  
Goku scratched his head. "Are you walking or driving?"  
  
The man gaped at Goku. He was after all driving a car, but he decided to tell this strange man how he was getting there.  
  
"I am driving, sir."  
  
Goku smiled. "That's the quickest way!"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Yajirobe and the Cake  
  
Yajirobi decided to go on a diet, and he told all of his friends what he was doing. They all were thrilled and supported him.  
  
One morning, however, he arrived at Capsule Corp. with a gigantic pound cake.  
  
Bulma looked at him and scolded, "Yajirobe, you are supposed to be on a diet! What is going on?"  
  
Yajirobe smiled. "Well Bulma, this happens to be a special, very special pound cake. I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window were a lot of cakes, cookies and stuff. I felt that I, being led to this particular bakery was no accident, so I prayed, 'Kami, if you want me to have one of those delicious pound cakes, let me have a parking spot directly in front of the bakery."  
  
Yajirobe walked over to Bulma's table sat down and began to cut the cake. He then added, "And sure enough, the tenth time around the block, there is was!"  
  
Witty sayings from Son Goku   
  
Goku: If the # 2 pencil is the most popular, then why is it still #2  
  
Goku: I doubt, therefore I might be.  
  
Goku: Before they invented drawing boards, where did they go back to?  
  
Goku: Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.  
Goku: If work is so terrific, the how come they have to pay you to do it?  
  
Goku: Never walk alone in a dark alley. You could get hurt.  
  
Goku: If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?  
  
Goku: Never take my food.  
  
  
OK!! That is all I have! I hoped you liked it, and if you liked it...could you review please! I thank you! Any constructive crtisimsm will be appreciated. Ja ne!  



	2. Part II

  
Modern Proverbs: Stories from the DBZ World II  
I DO NOT OWN DRAGONBALL Z. AKIRA TORIYAMA, TOEI ANIMATIONS AND WHOEVER ELSE DOES!  
Well, since a lot of people seemed to like the first chapter, I decided to do more! In this part, Bra and Pan go on a vacation, and Cell gets a job! Goku cooks, and more!!!!  
So hopefully you will read and enjoy these little stories and Inspirational sayings, and spread the word to your friends...and hope they don't think you are insane:). Some of the story ideas came from my friends and a majority from me. I think you will like these!  
Well, please read and review! And thank you for all of the nice reviews earlier! Thank you and Ja ne!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
DATING TERMS WITH TRUNKS AND GOTEN!!  
  
Goten: What is up? Welcome to out really cool show about...girls!  
  
Trunks: Not just about girls, but terms every guy need to know in order to know who that special one is whom you will spend your entire night with...errr...life. Anyway, Goten why don't you start us off, eh? (A/N: I am NOT Canadian, I just like eh! Sound cool!)  
  
Goten: Sure! What is dating? Well, dating is the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't like especially like in the present and will learn to like a whole lot less in the future.  
  
Trunks. Thank you! Next term. Easy: A term used to describe a woman with the morals of a man.  
  
Goten: Ok, Indifference. A woman's feeling towards a man, usually interpreted by a guy as 'playing hard to get.'  
  
Trunks: Yeah. My last girlfriend was like that...  
  
Goten: Martha?  
  
Trunks: Martha? No the brunette.  
  
Goten: Jodi?  
  
Trunks: No.  
  
Goten: Brandy?  
  
Trunks: No.  
  
Goten: Mary  
  
Trunks: No, she was after Audry, Maria, Jessica, and Rachel.  
  
Goten: Bob?  
  
Trunks: Yeah, Bob...WHAT?  
  
Goten: Heeee! Anyway, I will do the next one and the last one! Law of Relativity. This is how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive you date is.  
  
Trunks: Bob....Grr. Well that is our show, or whatever this is, for you today. Remember people, keep you head in the sky and be careful of stuff.  
  
Goten: Yeah! You might fall into a ditch or something bad.  
  
Trunks and Goten: Sayonara, minna!!!!  
  
  
GOKU LIVE!  
  
Announcer: Welcome all to 'GOKU LIVE!' now welcome our host Son Goku!  
(Wild applause as Goku walks in waving to the crowd who is wildly applauding)  
  
Goku: Hi! I am Goku. And today I will be helping people who want to diet put together their menu in order to get the results they want!  
  
(Goku walks over to a table with a bunch of food on the table)  
  
Goku: First this is what you will need for your breakfast: 1/2 Grapefruit, 1 Slice Wheat Toast, and 8oz of Skim Milk.  
  
(Goku places the above food on the table behind him and moves on to the next food grouping.)  
  
Goku: For lunch you will need: 4oz of Chicken Breast, 1 cup of Zucchini, 1 Oreo Cookie and a cup of Green Tea.  
  
(Goku eats the cookie and moves on to the next table)  
  
Goku: For your Mid-Afternoon Snack you will eat the rest of the package of Oreos, 1 quart of Cookie Dough Ice Cream, 1 jar of Hot Fudge.  
  
(Goku quickly eats the Ice Cream and Oreos and moves on)  
  
Goku (mouth full): And, lasfuly...*gulp*....dinner! You will need 2 loaves of Garlic Bread, Large Pepperoni and Mushroom Pizza, Large Pitcher of Soda, 17 Milky Way candy bars, 19 Steaks, 25 bowls of cereal, and an entire frozen Cheesecake eaten directly from the freezer. DO NOT GIVE IT TIME TO DEFROST!  
  
(Goku takes all of the food and walks to a table, sits down and stares at the camera.  
Goku: OK! Here are some tips for you people who have just watched my show!  
Remember: 1) If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.  
2) If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they will cancel  
each other out!  
  
(Goku begin to eat the candy bar and drink the pitcher of soda.)  
  
Goku: Three, when eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat  
The same amount. Four, movie foods don't count because they are simply apart of entertainment experience and not apart of one's personal fuel, such as 'Snickers',  
'Milk Duds', popcorn with butter, 'Junior Mints', and 'Twizzlers'!  
  
Goku: Well, that's our show for tonight! Thanks for watching! Tomorrow, I will show  
You how to evade paying your government taxes! Bye Bye!  
  
(Applause as lights die out)  
  
  
BRA AND PAN'S VACATION  
  
Bra and Pan were on Spring Vacation. There high school had allowed the children about 3 weeks, so Pan and Bra decided to go to London England.   
  
When they arrived, they were not greeted very nicely. No matter where they went, they were subject to rude behavior from waiters, store clerks, pedestrians, police, dogs ect,.  
After a while, it started to annoy them.  
  
"Pan, I want to go shopping!" Bra grabbed her purse and began to storm out of the room. "And I am not going to tolerate and rudeness this time!"  
  
Pan grabbed her wallet and headed towards the door. "Uhh, are you sure you want to do this Bra?"  
  
"YES! Now, let's go!" Bra commanded.  
  
While shopping down town Bra and Pan came across a store.  
  
"Pan, I will be back, I am going to look in here for something, 'k?"   
  
Pan looked at the store and made a face. "Uh, Bra. Are you sure...?"  
  
Bra interrupted Pan. "Yes I am sure! Not please wait here!"  
  
Bra entered the store and began to look around. She noticed she was the only costumer in the store. As she was looking through the clothes on the rack, a clerk hurriedly approached her and abruptly asked if he could help her.  
Bra was very angry now. "No! I do not need your help. I am perfectly capable of looking at clothes myself." Bra turned and continued to look at the clothes while all of the clerks were looking at her.  
  
Defiantly, Bra continued to look at the clothes a few more moments. When should could no longer stand this treatment, she turned on her heels, lifted her head high and left the shop.  
  
As Bra left, she noticed that the sign on the store read...  
  
'Dry Cleaners.'  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
INSPIRATIONAL SAYINGS  
Gohan: If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't   
Completely understood the seriousness of the situation.  
  
Yamcha: Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG the 14 time gives you job security.  
  
Goku: Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity  
Authors Note: I don't really think Goku is stupid, just naïve  
  
Yajirobe: Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid all together.  
  
Vegeta: The beatings will continue until morale improves.  
  
Goten: Aim Low; Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!  
  
18-year-old Goten was lying on the sofa around 12 noon when her realized that it was his father's birthday. Goten grabbed some change and rushed to a corner store to grab a card. He quickly found a father-son card, but neglected to read it carefully.  
  
At Goku's party, Goten was the last to give his father his gift. "Sorry dad, it was all I could afford!"  
Goku just smiled at his youngest. "It's alright Goten. It's the thought that counts."  
  
"Read it out loud Dad!" yelled Gohan from the corner.  
  
"Ok!" Goku opened the card and read out loud, very slowly, "Happy Birthday to the greatest Father in the entire world!"  
  
"Awwww!" the whole roomed sighted.  
  
Goku opened the card and began to read the card again.   
  
"Now that I am a father too...."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
OXYMORONIC SAYINGS FROM THE DBZ STARS  
  
Bulma: Some people say I am superficial, but that is just on the surface.  
  
Krillian: On one hand, I'm indecisive; but on the other hand, I am not.  
  
Vegeta: If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance.  
  
Piccolo: The world is full of apathy, but I don't care  
  
Vegeta: Evil is not all that bad.  
  
Yamcha: I have my doubts about disbelief.  
  
Juuhachigou: I have a twin brother; he's identical, but I am not.  
  
Goten: Death to all fanatics, yeah!  
  
Goku: My identity does lies in not knowing who I am...at least until my brother  
Radditz arrives, but that's a WHOLE 'nother story!  
  
Trunks: I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid.  
  
Gohan: Life is full of uncertainties...or could I be wrong about that?  
  
  
  
CELL'S FIRST JOB  
  
After being freed from HFIL for good behavior (O_o), Cell was allowed to spend time on Earth for a week. In that weeks time however, Cell needed a job to help him survive. He couldn't kill people because King Enma would not give him another hearing for 16,000,000 years if he did. So he decided to take the safe route and applied and got a job as a life insurance salesman...err...insect, bug, whatever.  
  
When walking through a nice neighborhood, he stopped at a house that invited him in for a chat. But the couple in the house was hesitant about signing up for a life insurance policy.  
  
Cell smiled calmly at the couple. "I certainly don't want to frighten you into a decision," he announced as he got up to leave.  
  
As he reached the door, Cell added, "Please sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think. Goodybye."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
INTERSTING SAYINGS!!!!!!  
  
Goku: There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take the time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that I have a wife that can cook unlike Vegeta.  
  
Vegeta: When I am feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbors dog run to the end of the chain and gag himself. HA HA!  
  
Krillian: He who hesitates is probably right.  
  
Piccolo: Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.  
  
Chi Chi: Always remember you're unique...just like everyone else!  
  
Bulma: Life is an endless struggle, full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstyle you'll like.  
  
Yajirobe: Brain cells come and go, but fat cells live forever.  
  
Goku: Inside of all of us, there is a person who is saying, 'Don't eat that, you don't need it'. But they can usually be sedated with about 23 pieces of chocolate cake. Heh, Heh, Heh!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
ACK! Well that was all! Boy, that was just as long as my 'Wacky Adventures of Goku and Vegeta' series (which I really need to finish sometime!) Any way...PLEASE REVIEW! And thank you for reading this thing! Hopefully I was good. I worked REALLY, REALLY late on it 2:30...And I have college classes today....Oh well.... When I load this I will be in Philosophy discussing why Socrates should have escaped...Ja ne and Review Please! Good Night...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.  



	3. Part III

Modern Proverbs III  
Disclaimers: I do not own Dragonball Z.  
Well, here is perhaps the final Modern Proverbs (unless I get more ideas!). A trilogy sounds pretty good! I took down the old one and placed ALL NEW STUFF up. There are a couple stories I kept, but overall, all new. I was not content with the last version, so I reworked it, and I feel that this is a better version of Part III. More stories... no sayings!! Gomen! I just could not think of any! Well as I say ALL the time, yet no one really does it, except you REALLY KIND people out there, please READ and REVIEW...even if you don't like it. I just want to here comments. NO FLAMES..those are evil!!!!   
  
Vegeta, Bulma and the Copper  
Vegeta was driving along the highway with Bulma when he was pulled over by a Police officer for speeding.   
"Stupid, Cop! When he gets up here I am going to blow him away!" Vegeta growled as he began to charge up his Ki. Bulma whacked Vegeta on the arm.  
"I don't think so. You will just have to bear with the consequences Vegeta." Bulma crossed her arms and looked at Vegeta while he growled and rolled down the window for the approaching cop.  
"What's the problem officer?" Vegeta said, trying to contain his anger. The Cop looked at Vegeta and said, "Sir, you were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."   
Vegeta rolled his eyes. "No I wasn't. I was only going 65." Bulma gave Vegeta a confused look. "Vegeta, you were going 80, remember?"  
Vegeta scowled at Bulma as the Cop rattled on.  
"Well sir, I am also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light." The Cop said as he began to write the next offense.  
"Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!" Vegeta placed a shock look on his face. Bulma just frowned. "Vegeta, you have known about that broken tail light for weeks. Stop covering up and start confessing!"  
Vegeta shot a warning glare at Bulma.   
The officer sighed as he began to speak again. "Also, I am going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt. Earth law, you know." Vegeta scowled again. "Officer, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."  
Bulma shook her head. "Vegeta, you never wear your seatbelt."  
Vegeta could take no more. "WOMAN, SHUT YOUR MOUTH BEFORE I SHUT IT FOR YOU!" Vegeta huffed and puffed.  
The officer bent down into the car and looked at Bulma. " Ma'am, does your husband talk this way to you all the time?"   
Bulma shook her head.  
"Only when he's drunk." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
HOW TO KNOW YOUR FOOD IS BAD by Goten  
  
Goten: Hello! I am Goten! I am in college. Today, I am going to show you people who are going to be entering an University or other such 'higher education', how to know if your food is edible."  
  
(Goten walks over to the fridge and opens it.)  
  
Goten: First you should do the 'Gag Test'. Anything that makes you gag is spoiled; except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night.  
  
(Goten takes out a box of eggs. Something is pecking though the shell)  
  
Goten: Ok. When something like this is pecking its way though the shell, the egg is most likely WAY past its prime.  
  
(Goten throws the eggs into the trash and takes out the milk, Yogurt, Cottage cheese and regular cheese.)  
  
Goten: Milk is piled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like Cottage Cheese. Cottage Cheese is spoiled when it starts looking like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get more spoiled that it is already.  
  
Goten takes out the mayonnaise, some frozen foods, and some meat.)  
  
Goten: First the meat. If opening your refrigerator door causes any stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your frat, sorority, dorm or whatever, then the meat is spoiled...kind of like this is.  
(Goten throws meat out the window and goes to the mayo.)  
  
Goten: If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, then it is spoiled.  
  
Goten: Next the frozen foods. Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled-wrecked, anyway-by the time you pry them from the side with your kitchen knife.  
  
(Goten sighs and reaches for the lettuce, canned goods, carrots, wine, potatoes and dip and places them on a table)  
  
Goten: Lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the Vegetable crisper without Comet.  
  
Goten: Any canned goods, like this Progresso Chicken Soup, that have become the size or shape of a basketball should be deposed of...carefully.  
  
(Goten steps away from the rumbling can and picks up the carrot)  
  
Goten: Remember. A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.  
  
Goten: Wine should not taste like salad dressing.  
  
(Goten picks up a bag of potatoes and the chip dip)  
  
Goten: Fresh potatoes DO NOT have roots, branches or dense leafy undergrowth.   
(A/N: Uhhh...now I know. But it tasted all right!!!!)  
  
Goten: Lastly, if you can take it out of the container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.  
  
Goten: Well, thank you for joining me! I hope you have learned many valuable things, Remember also, if it talks, definitely don't eat it, and most foods cannot be kept longer than the average lifespan of a gerbil. Keep a gerbil or whatever in your fridge to gauge this. Ja ne!!!!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Amazing Things You Learn At The Movies With Goku  
  
Goku: Hi! I am Goku. We have all been to movies and usually have enjoyed them. Of course, some movies we have bought tickets for were horrible and the people wouldn't give you your money back for seeing it, but that is beside the point. While you went to movies just to experience 'entertainment', some of you may have never realized how important movies are to us. In fact a majority of things we learn are important...and they are from movies!   
  
Goku: For example, thanks to movies, I always know that it is possible to park directly outside ANY building I am visiting.  
  
(Goku stands, walks towards a TV and turns it on.)  
  
Goku: As we wait for a television movie for a visual example, I will give you more things I, and perhaps you have learned from watching movies. Three other examples are as follows. Who would have thought that if you decided to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into or sees you dancing will instantly know the steps? Strange, huh? Also any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, but only if it is not a door to a burning building, which happens to have child trapped inside.  
  
(Goku pushes play and and a movie starts playing)  
  
Goku: Okay! Most people have seen 'Indiana Jones Trilogy', right? If not, you should go rent it! It's really good! But for example take the Nazis here. Jones is fighting them, but all of the Nazi guys are dancing around waiting for their turn to take him out. How stupid of them! This is another fact that I learned from this 'Indiana Jones' example: It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts- your enemies will wait patently to attack you one by one, by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked their predecessors out.  
  
(Goku shakes his head and sighs while pushing stop)  
  
Goku: Who would have known? Before you go, here are a couple of things you should consider: Did you know that most laptops are powerful enough to override the communication systems of either an enemy foreign country or invading civilization? And lastly, have you ever notice that when you watch a movie and a television bulletin comes on that the bulletin usually contains a story that affects you personally at the precise moment you turn on the television?  
  
Goku: Well, consider it. I betcha that if you didn't watch movies, that you wouldn't have know a whole lot of that stuff. Well, I have to go eat now! Bye!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
FINAL EXAMS (a little college humor folks!)  
  
Gohan was now a senior in high school and he had been studying very hard for his final exam into college. Finally the dreaded day came.   
  
Around 8:00 in the morning, Gohan walked in to his classroom, wished Videl and the others good luck as his professor handed out the test. After explaining a couple of the rules, she ordered the class to start the exam.  
  
Gohan looked down at his exam and began to read it. He placed his name on the top and looked at the directions again. The test read:  
  
This is your final exam. It is important that you finish in the 4 hour period allotted. Read the directions for each topic carefully. Gohan sighed. 'Well, here goes nothing!' Gohan thought to himself:  
  
History Section:  
Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief concise, and specific.  
  
"Huh?" Gohan said out loud. "Gohan, be quiet! I am trying to concentrate!" Videl gave him a warning glare and turned back to her exam. Gohan gulped, skipped the question and went to the next.  
  
Biology:  
Create life. Estimate the differenced in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English, Japanese, French and Russian parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.  
  
Gohan scratched his head, and one again skipped and when to the next question.  
  
Psychology:  
Based upon your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodias, Rameses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate referenced. It is not necessary to translate.  
  
Gohan looked around at the other students. Everyone was working away, with apparent problems at all. 'Perhaps it is just me?' Gohan read more of the test.  
  
Public Speaking:  
Twenty-five crazed aliens just stormed into the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.  
  
Gohan made a disgusted face. 'This exam is insane!' Gohan looked at his professor, who just sat at her desk, reading her book quietly. Gohan read the last two questions.  
  
General Knowledge:  
Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.  
  
Engineering:  
The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box underneath your seat. You will find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In exactly ten minutes, a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.  
  
Gohan had just had about enough of this 'exam'. He rose, marched down to his professor. "Professor? I think that you gave me the wrong test." Gohan handed her the test and she looked at it.  
  
"Oh, Gohan! I did give you the wrong test! This is a College Final exam, not a high school! No wonder you had such a hard time! Here is the real final exam."  
  
Gohan took the paper from her and read it. "Well, looks alright. Thank you." Gohan walked back to his seat and sat down to take the real test.  
  
Question 1: For this question you will need to know about Philosophy. Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.  
  
Gohan sighed. "I don't get this."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
50/50 in a Marriage  
  
Trunks saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonalds. He noticed that they ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the man carefully divided the hamburger in half, and then counted out the fries. One for him, one for her, until each of them had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup, and set it in front of his wife.  
  
The man began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands in her lap.  
  
Trunks felt bad for them, so he walked up to the couple. "Ma'am, Sir, would you let me purchase another meal for you so you two won't have to share?"  
  
The elderly man thanked him, but declined. "We have been married 60 years, and everything has always been and will be shared, 50/50."  
  
Trunks nodded and turned to the woman. "Ma'am, are you going to eat?"  
  
The woman nodded. "Not yet. It's his turn using the teeth."  
  
*************************************************************************  
Well, that is it!!! I hope it was all right! I spent, oh...about 3 weeks trying to come up with something! For anyone who cares, 'Where's Goku' REALLY should be out sometime Friday or next week hopefully!!!! Please read and review!!  



	4. Part IV

  
  
Modern Proverbs IV  
  
Disclaimers: I do not own Dragonball Z.  
Well, I have decided to do another Modern Proverbs! Happy Day! I got some new jokes, and hopefully, this chapter will be all right.   
  
Goku and The Tree of Doom  
One day Goku was pulled over by a police officer while he was driving on a lonely back road.  
"Oh geeze! Chi Chi is going to kill me for getting another ticket! But I am glad this officer is here!" Goku mumbled to himself as he rolled down the window. Goku watched as the police officer approached him and leaned on his car.  
"Sir, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?" The officer said as he took out his ticket book.  
Goku replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!" Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror the officer replied,   
"Sir, That's your air freshener."   
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Goten's Honesty  
Goten was driving though the mall parking lot when he rammed into the side of a car. Goten quickly got out and inspected the damage. "Oh, boy! Looks like I made a mess. There goes my insurance rate through the roof!" Goten looked around and saw a crowd of people coming towards him who saw the accident.  
Goten went back into his car and began to write a note for the owner of the damaged car...  
Later~~~~~~  
"HA! I am Mister Satan! I am the best!"  
The crowed roared as Mr. Satan walked out of the shopping mall to his car.   
"I am the...what happened to my car?" Satan roared as he ran up to inspect it. "The side is rammed in!" Satan exclaimed in dismay. Seeing a note under the windshield, he read it. On the paper is written:  
"As I'm writing this, about a dozen people are watching me. They think I'm giving you my name, phone number, and insurance company. But I'm not. "   
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Cell: The Perfect Husband  
"Wow! So you were...uh...married Cell?"   
Cell looked up from the HFIL yearly game of croquet to look at his competition, Freezer.  
"I was married 3 times," Cell looked down and hit the ball through the hoop on the ground "and I'll never marry again. My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull."   
"That's a shame," said Freezer, "How did it happen?"   
Cell smirked, "She wouldn't eat the mushrooms."   
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More College Jokes: Part V  
TRUNKS: Hello! I am Trunks Briefs and this is my best friend Goten!  
GOTEN: Hi!  
TRUNKS: Many of you who are reading this either go to college and are a freshman, or you will attend college sometime in the far or near future.  
GOTEN: So, Trunks and I have decided to help you people prepare for college by telling you what NOT to say to your parents while you are at college.  
TRUNKS: Yes. These are the mistakes that most college students make. Well Goten you can start.  
GOTEN: All right. I am going to call up my father real quick, hold on....  
GOKU (picks up receiver): Hello?  
GOTEN: Hi Dad! It's me!  
GOKU: Goten! How is college, son?  
GOTEN: Dad...I just can't take it anymore! The pressure! THE PRESSURE! NOOOOOOO! *click*  
GOTEN: Heh...never call you parents up and say THAT to them...ow!  
TRUNKS: Goten, you dork! You were not supposed to call your father! You...*sigh*...never mind. My turn. Never say to your parents, "Are you saying that I am not good enough to work at Wal-Mart?"  
GOTEN: Or say, "Who are you?"  
TRUNKS: "Dad, you too can be saved."  
GOTEN: "I need more money for my gambling ring."  
TRUNKS: "Hold on a sec...I have to get rid of my body."  
GOTEN(dialing on the phone again): Hold on a sec will you?  
TRUNKS: What are you doing?  
GOTEN: I am calling...Gohan! Hey bro! Got a question for you! Have you ever tried Vivarian? I mean I just tried a lot at once, and I feel great! It's amazing! I mean, I wrote three thesis, memorized the Spanish to English dictionary, made Pan a sweater, invented a new way to dry laundry, and....I...who is this?  
TRUNKS: *sigh*...Well, that is all for now! Remember, keep your nose clean and reach for the stars as you take you finals. Good Luck and Good Night!  
Vegeta the Cheapskate  
  
One day a Vegeta walked into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.  
"Eighty dollars," the receptionist said.   
"That's a ridiculous amount, and I will not pay it!" Vegeta growled. "Isn't there a cheaper way?"  
"Well," the receptionist said, "if you don't use an anesthetic, I can knock it down to $60."   
Vegeta scowled harder. "That's still too expensive. I want a better offer."  
"Okay," says the receptionist. "If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I could get away with charging $20."   
"No." Vegeta's voice had a hard edge to it now. "It's still too much."  
"Uhh," says the receptionist, scratching his head. "Perhaps if the dentist would let one of his students do it for the experience, I suppose I could charge you just $10."   
"Marvelous!" Vegeta smirked as he walked out the door, "book the woman for next Tuesday!"   
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Modern Proverbs part 4 or something:)...not many..but, oh well!  
  
  
Bulma: If you think we're a bad company, you should see our competition.  
  
Vegeta: Rome didn't create a great empire by having meetings. They did it by  
killing all those that opposed them.  
  
Vegeta: Humph. The woman is proud of me. I went two days without a human rights violation.  
  
Bulma: We build great products when we feel like it and don't have any  
reason to call in sick.  
  
Vegeta's Halloween Advice.  
  
"Brat! Before you go out, remember a couple of things about Trick or Treating." Vegeta grabbed Trunks and threw him down on the sofa. "Number 1. Never get candy from any house that seems to be imploding into a space-time wormhole."  
  
"Why not?" Trunks asked.  
  
"Because I said so. Besides, my older brother went in one, and I haven't seen him since. Number 2. Do not enter any house, which its only entrance is the basement. Number 3. Don't enter any house that growls, "Get Out!" Number 4. Do not get candy from houses that are made of food. And to run down the list, do not enter houses which look like a giant pulsating orb floating 3 feet off the ground, and house with various and extremely realistic statues in the front yard of people in odd, "running await" poses, and never get candy from houses where the furniture seems to be walking across the living room floor. Understand, boy?"  
  
Trunks nodded as he jumped off the sofa and ran towards the door. "Hey Dad! Don't worry! I am going to follow all your advice!"  
  
Vegeta watched as Trunks opened the front door. "Good. I think I told you everything..." Vegeta walked up behind Trunks.   
  
"I am going to that house across the street first! Okay?" Trunks asked his father.  
  
Vegeta looked up and saw a nice little house where Trunks was pointing. "Fine...just don't..uhhh"  
  
Trunks looked at his father who was making an odd face. "Dad what is wrong?"  
  
Vegeta looked away from the house and back down at Trunks. "That house wasn't there before! What in the...Oh! The last rule." Vegeta glared hard at Trunks. "Never get candy from a house that was not there a minute ago."  
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OK! It may not have been as good as the first three, but I wanted to do something. I have not written in a good couple of weeks cause of exams and stuff. Thank you for reading!  



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